Doctor
B.F.J. St. John-Smythe
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Internationally
reknown for his metallurgical skills, rumor has it that this mad
scientist has been working in secret on a new type of blade.
No one's been able to find out any details so far, although phrases
like 'unbreakable,' 'perfect flicks,' 'glows in the dark,' and 'picks
up AM radio like a dream' have surfaced in the rumor mill.
Whatever he's working on, we want it!!
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Fabulous
Freddy
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If you
want it, Freddy's got it and he can cut you the deal of a
lifetime! An excerpt from an actual Fabulous Freddy sales
pitch:
I have an
IRRESISTABLE OFFER
FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU!!!!!! YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THIS JACKET/BAG
SET!!! NORMALLY 200.00, YOU CAN HAVE IT FOR ONLY 4 PAYMENTS OF
55.99!!!!! FOR SOMETHING SO LIFE- CHANGING, WHAT AN OFFER!!!
BUYBUYBUYBUYBUYBUYNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, how can
you resist a deal like that???
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Flicker
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Beware
of Flicker and his manic, snicker-snee bladework! Even when
he's not on the strip, his blade is prone to flashing out and catching
the unwary. It is even said (by the especially superstitious)
that his foil has a mind of its own and that no one, not even Flicker
himself, is safe when the blade wants OUT.
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Lightfoot
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Lightfoot's
his name and footwork's his game. As you can see, his footwork skills
are flashy, to say the very least. He dazzles and confounds
his opponents with his blinding flair then scores before their eyes
have a chance to recover. Rumor has it the Powers That Be of
the fencing world are convening in an emergency session to see if new
rules should be enacted to defend themselves from his laser-like
technique.
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The
Mongoose
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As
Rudyard Kipling once noted, ‘The motto of all the mongoose
family is, "Run and find out,"’ and he is a true mongoose
with an insatiable interest in finding out opponents’
weaknesses and openings both on the strip and off. And the only
thing faster than a striking cobra is a mongoose going for the kill
touch.
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Warren
Peace
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The story of Warren
Peace could fill a small book. Okay, a large book.
A
very, very large book. One of Tolstoy-esque proportions
even.
The 'Cliff Notes' version: He saw. He fenced. He
conquered.
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Brothers in Arms:
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Dark
Horse
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Like a
highwayman on a black horse at midnight, he sweeps in out of nowhere,
terrifying his victims with a flurry of touches before they know what
hit them. While he considers the allowing of dark socks and
gloves to be a good start, he's impatiently waiting for black cloaks
and deuling pistols to be acceptable wear on the strip.
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Stealth
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Opponents
seem to be divided into two camps. One group says he can read
their minds and so knows what they're going to do before they do it,
rendering their attacks useless. The other group claims he
clouds their minds briefly, making them oblivious for that fraction of
a second when he initiates one of his lightning-fast attacks.
But both sides agree that Cheerios taste better with milk than with
syrup.
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Gone
but not escaped, er, forgotten:
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Alex
the Absent
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Here
is living proof that you can run but you can't hide! He has
practically moved out of the state but he is still and always will be
(reverent pause) a Wight Knight. And whenever Knights' paths
cross at tournaments, as they are wont to do, the special moment will
always be marked by the secret handshake and singing the traditional
greeting song, followed by the Dance of Great Joy. (You do
know the handshake, song, and dance, right? Right?)
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The
Argyle Fox
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The
Green Hornet, the Silver Surfer?
Amateurs!
The Green Lantern? A wanna-be!
The Black Canary or the Scarlet Witch?
Who??
When you need REAL super hero action, call on the
Argyle Fox!
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Binky
the Barbarian
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Even
in a crowd of white-clad fencers, his Viking heritage causes him to
stand out from the rest. From his Nordic blond hair to his
mighty thews to his traditionally laced
marauding-boots-cleverly-disguised-as-sneakers, he is marked as a
warrior from head to toe. The only reason his mask doesn't
have horns on it is because they kept poking holes in his equipment bag.
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Booyah
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He was
born with a blade in his hand, much to his mother’s
everlasting discomfort. On the rare occasions his battle cry
of 'Booyah!' fails to sufficiently unnerve his opponents, legend has it
he switches to 'Kumbyah!' To date this legend is unconfirmed
as no opponent has yet been brave enough to risk finding out the truth.
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Bulldog
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He is
a fearsome thing when the mask is on and the Bulldog is unleashed --
even the photographer standing off to the side of his intensely-focused
gaze is unnerved, as you can tell by the trembling hands when this
picture was taken. With the mask off, however, he is a
completely different person: quiet, scholarly, noble, a veritable
prince among men. Unless, of course, there's a basketball
around.
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The
Colbinator
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Don't
let his quiet demeanor fool you. When he's not honing his
fencing skills or handing his opponents their heads on platters, he's
in high demand as an international model. His rugged good
looks have landed him spots in internationally-distributed magazines,
resulting in immortality in doctors' offices and on coffee tables world
wide.
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The
Cammo Commando
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The
Cammo Commando has a preternatural ability to blend in with his
surroundings, no matter where he is. While he usually is clad
in a manner guaranteed to render him invisible in any wooded landscape,
he is
prompt to change his garb when his environment changes. As
you can see here, his skills enable him to blend with a crowd (horde?)
of fencers or a herd (crowd?) of polar bears at a moment's notice.
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Fast
Track
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His
first lesson began with him learning stance and footwork and ended with
him giving a master's class in obscure advanced Hungarian sabre
techniques. A week after his first lesson he drove fourteen
hours (one way) to enter his first foil tournament, only to find upon
arrival that they had cancelled foil in a panic when they realized he
was going to enter. So he entered anyway, fencing epee for
the first time and beating everyone with their own weapons.
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Frick
& Frack
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For
those of you who believe in 'Sugar and spice and everything nice' I
have two words for you:
Glove. Drill.
'Nuff said.
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Iron Dan
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He’s
been known to walk on strip with an epee in one hand and a sabre in the
other in order to fence two bouts at once. And it’s not so he
can get things over with as quickly as possible, it’s so he
can fence twice as much as the mere mortals in his pools. Rumor has it
he eats foil barrels for breakfast the morning of a tournament,
although this hasn’t been conclusively proved -- yet.
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The
Iron Maiden
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The
Iron Maiden earned her sobriquet after being forced to withdraw from
the initial round of a recent major tournament due to a grave
illness. Being a creature of fierce will and indomitable
spirit, however, she rose from her sickbed, overriding the protests of
the finest fencing physicians in the land to return and compete in the
direct elimination portion of the event. Despite being
eventually eliminated, the Ferrous Femme was ferocious, displaying the
indomitable will and stylish panache we all admire so much.
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